Thursday, August 20, 2009

Fuck Your Prototype.

I am kooky. Fun- loving. Crazy. Super silly. I've done things lots of girls have never done. Some things some girls won't ever do. I long ago decided that my life will be what I want it to be,.. and at this point, i want my life to be smiles and shenanigans. 

I'm also bright. Sharp. Talented. Blessed. Focused. Experienced. My resume isn't to be sneezed at. I have quite a ways to go. But i eat and pay rent off what i do, and i do what i love. And frankly, you haven't seen ANYTHING yet. 

I am NOT ditzy. Not simple. Not your escape. Not your experience. Not a puppet. Or a cartoon. Or a reality tv show. I am a real girl. I cry and scream and feel badly about myself and wish i was better and wish i was chosen and loved. I do not wish to be the girl who taught you something about yourself, or the girl with whom you sewed your royal oats. I am not to be tuned into.. and tuned out of. I'm not your vacation from reality. I am not your holiday. 

I have a friend who without fail says these two phrases to me every time we hang out- "There is no one like you. I never have this much crazy fun with anyone." .. and then "Life is not all about fun and games, son." As if I have been given some sort of Get Out Of Real Life Free card that no one else has access to. Rest assured, I have to work and sacrifice and compromise for my life to work too. I bleed so i can laugh. I'm fine with this. 

As my roommate pointed out, "Prototype" is one of the most insulting songs ever. "If we happen to part... we met today for a reason. I think I'm on the right track now." Please fuck off, 3stacks. I am not the road you travel on the way to your destiny. I deserve more. 

I am a real girl. 


  1. I am a real girl.

    And with that being said, you spoke more about who you are as a person than you did in the first 4 paragraphs.

    Real recognize real.

    A lot of people don't realize how hard you have to work to become the person that you are, and sometimes, they don't understand the confusion you get when someone downgrades your worth (i.e. 3 Stacks).

    Keep it up.

  2. "I am not the road you travel on the way to your destiny. I deserve more."

    Dam right, BLACKABLACK!!

  3. Outstanding. Absolutely outstanding.

    This is declarative, and makes clear that you're not some abstract - you're a human being, with ALL that entails. Your honesty and vulnerability demonstrates that you're a strong human being at that.

    And while I'm fairly certain it wasn't your intent, Real Talk, this is a manifesto for everyone whose life is seen as some sort of caricature, because it's not. You're simply a "Real Girl," whose life is uniquely her own.

    I hope that if it's a "whomever" that was the catalyst for this piece, they read this and realize what they awakened/missed out on within you, and if it's a "whatever" that you prevail and can laugh about it in the future.

    Well done.

  4. Why is it that us fun, real, one-of-a-kind girls are always the ones handing out "lessons" to these dudes or serving as the road they travel on their way to destiny? That's the story of my life, anyway. Meanwhile, controlling, clingy, needy, wack-ass chicks are getting wifed all around me. (Maybe insecure men have to have that type of needy woman to get their ego puffed up right.) But then, inevitably, I'm the one their man calls when he wants a, as you said, vacation from reality. Thank you for writing a piece I can definitely identify with. Nice blog. I'll be back!

  5. Wow that was beautifully written, you are a talented writer to be able to communicate your point so eloquently and also be clear and concise in making your point. Thanks for sharing...

  6. AWWW BOOOO I thought you was getting ass naked on this post. I'M OUTTAHEA!!!


  7. Alot of people don't ever even get to the point of knowing who they truly are. Simply cause they are too scared to look in the mirror, acknowledge what they are at that moment and put EFFORT into getting to know themselves and what they truly want out of life.

    The fact you been through that process, that you know who you are today and that you love yourself for who you are and what you stand for in life, is one of the most respectable things in life. In my opinion that is. Simply cause there are too many fake people out there, that don't even realize they are fake.

    Having met a real person, is pretty awesome. Having met you, is pretty awesome.

    I'm blessed to call you a friend.


  8. See, that's why we don't dedicate songs to you women. Ungrateful.


  9. You're a wonderful writer and an incredible person.

  10. God I love you (you too, God)

  11. I love where I am. Thanks for sharing.

  12. Well Alright then...Preach! I love it :)

  13. good read, thanks

  14. luv this Melam sometimes I think we have to same mind...crazy these are my thoughts to the tee!!!!

  15. Ouch, been there, still am unfortunately. Love it how you put it.