Thursday, August 20, 2009

Fuck Your Prototype.

I am kooky. Fun- loving. Crazy. Super silly. I've done things lots of girls have never done. Some things some girls won't ever do. I long ago decided that my life will be what I want it to be,.. and at this point, i want my life to be smiles and shenanigans. 

I'm also bright. Sharp. Talented. Blessed. Focused. Experienced. My resume isn't to be sneezed at. I have quite a ways to go. But i eat and pay rent off what i do, and i do what i love. And frankly, you haven't seen ANYTHING yet. 

I am NOT ditzy. Not simple. Not your escape. Not your experience. Not a puppet. Or a cartoon. Or a reality tv show. I am a real girl. I cry and scream and feel badly about myself and wish i was better and wish i was chosen and loved. I do not wish to be the girl who taught you something about yourself, or the girl with whom you sewed your royal oats. I am not to be tuned into.. and tuned out of. I'm not your vacation from reality. I am not your holiday. 

I have a friend who without fail says these two phrases to me every time we hang out- "There is no one like you. I never have this much crazy fun with anyone." .. and then "Life is not all about fun and games, son." As if I have been given some sort of Get Out Of Real Life Free card that no one else has access to. Rest assured, I have to work and sacrifice and compromise for my life to work too. I bleed so i can laugh. I'm fine with this. 

As my roommate pointed out, "Prototype" is one of the most insulting songs ever. "If we happen to part... we met today for a reason. I think I'm on the right track now." Please fuck off, 3stacks. I am not the road you travel on the way to your destiny. I deserve more. 

I am a real girl.