Thursday, January 7, 2010

To My Exes- Sorry About The VD.

Noooo.... I don't have VD.

(Its funny... Despite the hideous, life- altering malady that it implies, the term 'VD' is almost charming in its antiquity, isn't it? No? Ok. Maybe its me.)

I stole this blog idea from someone on Tucker Max's message boards. (He stole it from someone else.) Its an experiment that asks 'what would u say to any of your ex- bf/gf's, wives/husbands, unrequiteds, jumps, booty calls, etc, if u had the chance today?' It should be fun. I encourage you guys to reply with your own stories as well as your comments regarding mine.
Here goes-

(... They usually start @ the beginning...)

H- honestly, a girl couldn't ask for a better way to lose her virginity. You're probably the reason I don't have any weird hang- ups. You were a great guy, sweet first bf, better sex than I knew to appreciate at the time. You really set a bar. You were a fantastic counterpoint to my hyper, chatty personality. The last time we broke up, it was because you wouldn't drive downtown to get me ribs from the rib shack at 10pm on a school night. I threw a tantrum and stormed out and you (finally) didn't chase me. You were always too sane for me. I found you on FB. You have a beautiful family. Pretty awesome. You'd prolly be grey-haired if we had married. Ima still blog more about you tho.

A- We probably would've stayed together longer if you didn't cry so much. Like, heaving on my shoulder, snotting and soaking my sleeve crying. What was I supposed to do with that? My nigga i was like 17. You had too much goin on in your life for me to handle. I saw u about a year ago. You had like 7 kids. Im not surprised.

H- We should never have dated. We both knew it. We waited so, so long to consummate the relationship. It was everything I feared it would be. My friends and I nicknamed you "Thimble Boy". I later learned you had a rep for unsatisfied customers. We got along so much better once we got that pesky dating business out of the way. Bad sex makes me awfully bitchy.

J- You were The One Who Got Away for so many reasons. Now that Im more grown- up, if I could do it differently, I'd play it so I wasnt so totally the bad guy. I was messin up for sure. But. It wasn't all my fault. I still feel bad about saying that. But it wasn't. Not entirely. I want my pictures too. I looked GREAT nekkid. Dammit.

P- You are the devil. I actually have u saved as "Satan" in my phone. You inspired in me a lack of control I havent experienced before or since. You knew a side of me that no one else did, and you knew you did. And then one day i was over it, and it was like someone pulled back the curtain on the Wizard Of Oz. Talking to you is still funny.

W- You weren't nearly as smart as you thought you were and that ultimately ruined what I thought was a greatly functioning, situational friendship/ relationship. You were terrible at being slick. Terrible! Pity. You, like most men, should learn to shush sometimes. I think about you now with a strange mixture of wistfulness (for the great times we had and the great times we'll miss) and amusement (at what a silly, silly boy you were!) Eh. I might call u up sometime. You were fun.

I would tell more good, happy stories.. but they are far less interesting.

I think that's enough... YOUR TURN!!!


  1. Nice post, lol. Its funny to see how much we've changed over the years through our past associations. But here's my short list...

    B--you were my first and only male are a great guy, a dumb one though (very bad liar)...I hope after 8 years you're finally over me, cuz trust me dude that high school thing we had was going nowhere. I wish we still talked, you were a wonderful friend!

    C--you're the only good, meaningful relationship I've had, still. Which says a lot because I'm sure you saw our relationship a little differently. You're the only woman I've been with who I can honestly say lives up to my standards--you were a good friend, an honest person, and you were successful and ambitious. Makes me wonder what our relationship did to me, seeing how since we ended, I've found the most manipulative, unstable, and/or do-nothing women to be with. Yet i'd want nothing to do with you romantically now. Funny.

    Y--as of now, in my short life, you are my greatest love, and I still don't know why. Though my love was great, our relationship was terrible, and I think you now hate me despite all I did to make sure you knew I was there for you whenever. I should have hated you years ago yet I still hold somewhat of a torch for you, though I won't let anyone know it. I can honestly say you did almost nothing positive in my life, yet I can't seem to find anyone who comes even CLOSE to being what you were to me. I wish we could reconcile and at least speak to each other now, in a way...but I know that would only lead to me being mind fucked all over again. I've very uneasily closed our book. Be happy!

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  3. Wow. Very nice, Mela. I have one...

    J - You were too big for me, I was too big for you; that's the truth. The relationship had never really progressed, it had simply fallen apart into a series of fragments.

    You embodied everything that I'd ever wanted out of a life partner; spontaneity, humor, intelligence, sexiness.

    I embodied everything that you'd ever wanted out of a life partner; sexiness, intelligence, humor, spontaneity.

    Almost as if looking into a mirror. Almost as if we were soulmates. Almost as if we were twins.

    To say I was scared is an overstatement. Nervous is more like it. I treated you like a Fabergé egg; put you on a pedestal that you never wanted to be on.

    I knew this, yet I did it anyway.

    In some ways, you was scared too. Too many times you thought to yourself (and told me) that this type of relationship doesn't exist, that the major issue was that there were no major issues. It made you nervous.

    You knew better, yet you went along with it.

    We parted ways, without communication, without acknowledgment. A series of fragments. Different people came along and picked up what pieces were left, but none were salvageable.

    I miss looking at you; a forest that I could lose myself forever in: and almost did.

    You miss being with me; quirky yet humorous charm, a sense of being and self realization.

    Yet, for every time we thought about doing the dance again, another partner stepped in, the music would change, or the party would end.

    For what seemed to be the first time in human history, 'what was' turned into 'what if'.

    How disappointing for us. No glue to bond us together again. No bond strong enough to hold us together again. No more together again. The fantasy shattered.

    Pieces, pieces.

    Tiny. Splintering. Painful. Pieces.

  4. V - You were the FIRST woman I can ever say that I let "get away". You were a fool for love and I was a fool. That is all

    E - You are the H.E.R. I used to love. I gave you everything and in return, you gave me a lie. A beautiful one. But like all lies, it eventually got exposed. I'm not fucked up that you're tangled up with my cousin, but that you STILL try to walk around with some sense of entitlement to me. Move on Yo...

    B - What we had lasted much longer than it should have. You're not where I wanted to be THEN and you're not where I want to be NOW. You ARE however cool people. Please stop throwing the P. Yes, its a lovely ride. Yes, I can and will still knock it out the park. No, its not gonna change our status. EVER.

    D - I love you. Period. I was ready. I still am. That whole made me a better man shit only applies to you. The "deal" still holds true. Whenever I call you, you need only pick up the phone and say yes to seal it. I'm glad we're still friends.

    L - The fire in you is the reason iCant. I'd break my "child rule" for you. You are truly a good girl, but I need a mature woman. Damn, I miss it though.

    B - Its unfortunate that you're one of those people who consistently compared my love to yours instead of appreciating what we have. Your age never mattered to me, so there was no need to be in such a rush (ala biological clock). As dymanic as you are its amazing that you tend to be that shallow on that level.

    T/R - You always let me be me, which is a good thing. You made a few decisions for me that for YOU seemed to be the adult/mature thing to do but in the end you learned...We don't do that. We're still cool though.

  5. Sooooo....

    R-Ahhhh.....teenage love. Damn I'm upset we never had sex, even though we were both virgins at the time, I still wanna knock boots with you to this day, as crazy as that sounds. I understand why things went down the way they did, but still, I expected that you would have been able to at least talk to me.

    T-It never was going to work out, we both knew that from day one, yet we tried anyway didn't we. For future reference, don't lie about a pregnancy and then tell the man to come to the clinic. #imjustsayin

    E-In some ways, you were the one that got away. I KNOW from the phone calls years later that you feel that way about me. I'm truly sorry things couldn't work out between us, but the sex was horrible. I would have just been cheating forever.

    L-Every fiber in my body was telling me to leave you alone from day one, but somehow you were able to make me drop that guard and let you in. You were great around the house, and even though the sex was lacking we still made it work. For future reference though...don't lie about being pregnant. #imjustsaying

    E-We were great when we were great, when we were bad we were fucking horrible. I truly wish we could have made things work, we complimented each other in so many ways. But I couldn't trust you, and nothing was going to change that.

  6. I've been following this blog for a while (love it), and i think it's time to comment on this issue

    T- Ooh, I was (very) young and naïve, really thought you loved me. We used to have this secret dates, make sure we wouldn't get caught, and have the best time ever! I really liked the fact it felt so mysteriously! But I quickly found out there was a deeper meaning behind the mystery, that other girlfriend! You *#1% , but case closed. I saw you a few months ago, after all these years, damn you looked bad! Maybe you should stop shooting those .. have a good life

    A- The love of my life!! i would have done a lot for you, but i got scared. I just couldn't believe this would be the way i would spend the rest of my life. There were still so many things I wanted to do that you didn't allow me to. I started to act like a real b*tch, which made it all worse. Tho I can't forgive you for being such an $ss after we broke up! We could've ended as bf's, but faith... I hope you're not mad at me for what happened, damn I loved you

    M- I'm so so so so so sorry!! You were my rebound after A! But I think you knew that very soon and even then, you definitely couldn't handle me lol, I'm happy to have you as a friend, i wish you much love

    J- Damn boy, you're ego was too much for me! Au revoir, Hope I never so you again.

  7. This is pretty Ok. . .

    C- You were so sweet, but you were Eeyore incarnate. I wanted to talk to you on the phone everyday. Really, I did. I just didn't want to hear you complain about the same shit everyday. Being a teenager who had just moved away from all her friends was depressing enough, without your problems (many of which were your fault). Sadly, you were actually the best boyfriend I ever had. Super caring, and considerate. And, since we have the same best friend since before we met, I'm glad we've kept in touch. I can see that you've grown into a good man (I was kind of surprised that you friended me on Facebook, actually). I hope you don't complain to your girlfriend too much.

    A- You weren't my boyfriend, but you're the only man other than my father to tell me you love me. I found it impressive that you didn't look awkward after you said it. I'm sorry, though. I'm very pragmatic, and we agreed when we met that the relationship wasn't going to be anything serious (and I knew your story about having to move to Korea was bogus, by the way, you didn't have to go through all that trouble). I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I chose you because I was tired of being a virgin. I'm so proud of my choice though, you are a great guy. And, you wound up being a really good friend. But, you were graduating and staying in NJ, I was a freshman and coming from NY, neither one of us wanted it bad enough to change.

    R- I hope I never see you, ever. If you think you see me, cross the street. Don't say hi, don't pass GO, and don't collect $200. I loved you. I missed my best friend's Off Broadway debut for you. I would have followed you to the moon and the sky above, just to be with you. But, for some reason you just couldn't get it together. I never experienced so much blatant disrespect until the last 3 months of our relationship. Were you trying to make me hate you? If so, it worked then. I don't hate you anymore, but let's not test that theory. Just stay away.

    A- I can't stand to think about you for the simple fact that you pretended not to know how I felt about you the entire time. And, you used that as an excuse to keep me on the edge. When you finally admitted you knew, your excuse was that you "punked out?" Fuck you. Fuck you for not being able to grow some balls over 5 years and say the words you had been promising me you were going to say "eventually." And that you had the nerve to be shocked when I decided to cut you off is really the icing on the cake. I guess you thought I would always just be there, huh? Fuck you. What upsets me the most is, I always miss you. Fuck you.

    T- You are an enigma to me. I've never met a man so smart who wanted to be so stupid. You're going to be amazing the day you finally become comfortable walking in your own awesomeness, but I couldn't sit around and wait for you to get to that point, because watching you and hearing you speak was painful sometimes. I know you feel guilty, you made it out. But, believe me, selling yourself short because you made it isn't doing the ones who didn't make it any favors. Allow yourself to be the light that you are. No other man has inspired me to be active quite like you did. I really hope everything takes off for you, and if it's meant to be, we'll meet again.

  8. I have one.

    L - I HATE YOU!!!!! PERIOD.

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  10. D-I don't know. Seems like I lost a lot of my life waiting for you to make a space for me. For what it's worth, I should have listened, because you told me. I was in the hallway of my dorm crying 10 years ago when you said we would just be friends and here we are still just friends. I love you though.

    O - Work and Jesus can't be your cover forever. You were a good guy, but you were hiding behind those two things. I tried to pretend I could be the preacher's wife and I'm glad it didn't work. I would be a terrible preacher's wife.

    M - Your name sucked. And you spanked monkey in the morning in bed with me before even making an attempt at doing it the old fashioned way. Like wake me up and at least let me turn you down. Me and my friends called you Breakfast Jack. It still makes me laugh.

  11. here we go:

    R: I met you in 7th grade, we were the exact same height, 5'3. You reminded me of a Gnome, a mystical magical creature. Who am I kidding?You should have taken my virginity man...nothing more to say about that. I was ready, you refused, shit

    D: The day I met you in 7th grade, I was totally absorbed by your energy. You were the same height as me 5'3, and I loved that our eyes constantly met when we glazed. Once, We were sitting in health class, taking a test, you snatched my test from me, copied all my "correct" answers, then threw it back at me..mmmmmmm. You were the dictionary definition of a "prick" and for years to come,you created a mold, that has been hard to break. You were Jewish, I was Christian, you were white, I was black, and it took us 10 years to finally get together. TEN years of sexual tension, ten years of friendship, and in the looked at me in the face and said "I'm Jewish, you're Christian, I'm white, you're black.My parents have been giving me a hard time. What did you expect?"...hehehe, truthfully...just that, because you were just "an experience" for me, one that I wanted, and I still cherish those moments...screwing in your parents bed, on your tennis courts, finishing each other's sentences, because we shared a level of familiarity that comes once in a childhood friend, turned taught me the meaning of Sade's song...Sweetest Taboo...and for that..I thank you. You recently joined facebook a few weeks ago, and sent me a message that you're single again after nine years...I chuckled and thought "what did you expect?...Little GNOME"

    T: Whoooo, I don't even know where to begin, but you saved me from "D," and chased me relentlessly, until..finally, I gave in. You were nothing like any of the men from my past. You were taller than me, you were the complete opposite of the light bright, damn near, and exactly white types that I had dated before. You were black, you were proud, and you were accutely aware of your own intelligence, to the point of harboring a pompous and arrogant nature, that walked the borderline of being down right haughty, and I loved it. You were the epitome of a suburban negro, that hailed from an urban environment, and you were my soulmate. You reshaped what I defined as my "type" and brought it from a physical description, to a mental and spiritual level, but, you were,and still are, a PRICK. And that's what allowed, from our passionate love affair, without even a moments notice, while the flames were still burning, fanning..even. Throughout the years, we've reconnected here, and there, and I know how much you loved me, and I now realize that we were young, and you had responsibilities that were hard to communicate, and impossible to ignore, and in the end, you had to be, the man that I loved, and that's exactly why you left. I get it, this flame.....(WARLOCK).

    J: I know you're pissed at me, but I'm too special for you to let that continue much longer. I know, what I told you, but I was wrong, and I wanted something different. Our age difference was the only reason, I said it in the beginning. Our fight wasn't about a girl, it was really about mind, and communicating that to you, in a really bad moment, in the absolute wrong way. I honestly don't care about that anymore. I just want to live one day at a time.

    p.s. You are such an amazing lover...don't forget that "scrimmage". (WARLOCK APPRENTICE)

  12. C - You were such an amazing match for me. Excpet for the whole whoring it up bit. You were the business. I wish you had been more mature about things. Maybe we were just at the wrong age to be together. You made me laugh, fucked awesomely and just had a general great time. Except for the whoring. That's where it kinda got wack. I'm glad that we're still friends and have no animosity or held grudges.

    D - We were insane together. Drank too much. You're a cool dude though. Glad we reconsiled. I think there's someone wonderful for you out there who will calm you down. You're an awesome guy. Kudos for the way you take care of your son. You're a good man. Except for the fact that you could have just told me you were bi-polar. That umm. that would have helped. But, hey.ya know.

    M - You chased me for 8 years.. got me.. made me fall in love and then dumped me.
    WTF nigga. That was some bullshit. Now we can't be friends because every woman you're involved with is intimidated by some sort of chemistry that we don't even have. I would never disrespect a relationship you were in. Come on son. That shit is corny. I don't even like you right now. Which is a shame given you were one of my best friends. You need to get it together B. I thought friendship was important. Sucka.

    D - You were such a false representation of who you pretended to be at first. I really loved that amazing dude that I met in the beginning. Oh.. wait.. NO.. YOU'RE INSANE??? The physical, emotional and verbal abuse from you was the hardest thing I've ever been through in my life. Seriously, I'm over it, but I don't think you'll actually ever realize how traumatizing everything was. I hated that swirly move you did to. That hip round thingy move. Ugh.
    I also think you have some sexual devience issues that need to be addressed.
    I know I'm a nympho, but there's some shit that's fucking creepy about you. Then, there's that other life ruining shit. Thanks a lot.

    M - I.. I didn't do what you think I did. Never found a seemingly better person for me.. but I will not.. I will not continue to feel like a crazed monster.. Just have to eat shame and liar cake everyday. I would have believed you. I would have. But you go on then.. Have fun.. Guess I wasn't the one.


    Great blog Ms Machinko thank you

  13. SJ - You were my first BF, and in retrospect my mom should have called the cops on you bc you were way too old... but I digress, we still got back together every couple of years under the guise of you wanting a gf but every single time you were attached and you were a horrible cheater. A shame that was your MO bc you were the smartest, most compatible person ever... and the sex was out of this world... smh

    AW - We dated in the 10th grade, didn't see each other for 9 years and met up when you spotted me performing at a poetry spot... My only issue was your OCD tendencies about cleaning, it was downright excessive and weird. Damn shame, we would have made a lovely story to tell our imaginary kids one day.

    ML - You were my bad boy phase, and I enjoyed every wild thing we did, it was definitely fun while it lasted... but then you decided you wanted to be serious and I wasn't ready for that at the time, I wanted to wild out and do hoshit, lol...

    KR - We should have never crossed the friendship line, bc we both were in situations we couldn't and didn't want to get out of. Now our friendship is awkward and now we have to hide it. The sad thing is I probably loved you the most of all, truly some "Next Lifetime" shit, sigh....

  14. awesome

    m-til this day, I dont think I ever wept like I did when you dumped me. I did think it was cute when you came crawling back to me 3 months later. but "drunk" is not a good look. Thanks for the booty calls. they were delish:) you were smart and funny and then you had to go an sell out. Whaaa-owwww.

    k-thank you for our daughter. You still have severe anger issue that you are passing on to her. You have been too busy dumping your girlfriends you never noticed that you have the same flaws you did when I dumped you. Baby, grow up. It will serve you well. And if you ever put your hands on our daughter the way you did me, I will beat you like Im tryna make butter out of you.

    s- damn, I still am upset I let you get away, who would have known you were going grow up and be who you are today. Im sorry I broke your heart. I thought I was cute sneakin behind your back with ^K. I dont think I will ever fully get over you. Sex was never that great. But what you gave me in mind stimulation, conversation and laughter, made it feel like the shit dreams were made of. Cant wait to see you again. and yes...I know what that smile is about:)

    H-whoo-hoo. I still cant believe I had you. MMMM. Sex was never so good. Too bad you were stupid. stupid, stupid, stupid. *le sigh*

  15. i'ma do the only two significant relationships i've had (besides the current one):

    t: you were completely and utterly insane, and my sick ass got off on it. i'm sorry i took advantage of your obsession, but seriously . . . what's wrong with you? have you grown into a normal functioning adult or do you still pretend to faint (or threaten to kill yourself) when an arguement isn't going your way? do you still call someone 20 times in a row if they don't pick up? would you still do anything, including getting on all fours with a leash on in the middle of the street to prove yourself to the person you "love." i should have had the common sense and decency to leave you well before i did instead of playing with your heart, and for that i'm sorry. i hope you have more respect for yourself as a woman than you did in HS.

    n: you were a lot of fun, but you were completely wrong for me. because of you i neglected so many responsibilities. i always wonder where'd i'd be by now if you hadn't taken up so much of my time in an important moment in my then budding career. it's completely my fault. i should've known better. i now realize you always told me what you thought i wanted to hear. very supportive, but was it genuine? i doubt it. i feel like you tried to be something you weren't for me. pretended to be into the same music, shared the same views, etc. i realize i did all the talking and you just agreed with everything. i appreciate it but you should always be yourself. also, pick up a book or summin'. you were pretty ignorant. you were helpful though. my kicks have never been as clean as they were in that relationship.

  16. M: You were my first true teenage love. I still read your letters  we were so young and innocent. I know so many people came between us, because of our popularity. I remember when I made you the love songs cassette tape, you played it for the whole bball team. Then because of that I had to confront you about it. I was in my cheerleading uniform in the middle of the gym cursing you out. Then beat the shit out of your bff, and get kicked off the cheerleading squad… thanks. You probably messed up my chances on becoming a Nicks or Nets cheerleader. But I want you know, you where the first and last guy I gotten into a fist fight over. I must say I was totally in love, and I only met one other person that kisses better then you. Ha!

    O: My teacher, and the longest relationship ever 10 and ½ years. I was crazy to stay that long. When we broke up, (six months in), I should of moved on but I kept running back. We both know why I kept running back, but that’s neither here nor there.  I know when I was with you I felt so alone, I took so many risks with you, made the craziest decisions, you kicked me in face every time. I remember driving 14 hours to be with you. My mom told me before I left that I would be back. And lo-and-behold I drove the same 14 hours back by myself. I gave you too much of me, I lost myself in your world. Although you taught me a lot, I didn’t need all of those lessons.

    A: The devil in sheep’s clothing. You are waist of the male race. You’re led me to believe the sky was the limit and I can reach and reach, reach you will be right there with me. But in all actuality that was a total lie, our hold relationship/friendship was a lie, and only for your benefit. FYI my son is turning out to be a great young man, despite your crazy predictions of what he would be. I was so dumb to believe you would make me happy; I was so blind by your crazy ideas that life would be so great, that I didn’t pay attention to how you treated my child. God knew what he was doing when he took you out of my life. Your own purpose was to prepare me for what came next.

    B: You were the one I let get away, if I could do it all over again I would be with you right now. The only thing I’m gonna say is that if I could take back that xams party I would. You basically set the bar for everyone else, including myself. I learned what is “self worth” is from you. I only wish you the best, and hope that you stop making yourself miserable, and go after who you really want.!!!

  17. F: How you still have the patience to deal with me will always be a mystery. We were each other's first. We were happy for a long time. I was young & you lived far away. I was cheating back then. I was stupid. I'm sorry. You held me back. I couldn't keep holding your hand and trying to make you a smarter or more driven person. I need to let you live though. Eight years later, you're still always in the background waiting for me. I know how great you are but I can't be that person for you. I love you still, but it's not enough. You deserve better.

    J: You silly, silly negro. You were a HORRENDOUS liar. I knew it was coming. Damn shame you got so fine after we broke up.

    A: Yo. For real, we should've never dated. I was 16 and you were 22. I thought it was awesome that I had landed an older guy back then. You're disgusting.

    G: You. How many years were we friends? You had braces & I was in a training bra. Then things got emotional and you became a monster. I gave you pussy and that's all I became to you. Lies & false promises were all I got out of you. Literally, because I faked it each and every time, witcha fat, sweaty ass. You did more damage to me than I care to admit.

    J2: You've always told me I was the One Who Got Away, and in retrospect, you are too. I've never been so compatible with anyone else. We would've been so happy together but we've always had horrible timing. And then you moved. I'm glad we're still in touch and that you're doing something with your life. Next Lifetime will forever be your song.

    I: Sigh. I never trusted you. You seemed too good to be true but I knew something wasn't right. I snooped and confirmed my hunch. You've been lying to me the entire time. You have fucking issues. You need to do some damn soul-searching. I wish you would've been honest with me, it would've saved me a lot of time cooking, cleaning, introducing you to the family, etc. You don't deserve any of it. I'm still waiting for you to admit it. I won't hold my breath. In the back of my mind though, I almost wish I was still oblivious to the lies so I could still think of you as a nice guy & could at least enjoy the rest of the time you're here. But that's just me being stupid. Rot.

  18. A: Looking back, I honestly don't know why I was ever with you. I guess you were what I wanted at the time because you were different in what I thought was a good way. You weren't my traditional type at all. It started out cool but over time I brushed off anything that most people would see as red flags. Not one person I knew thought I should have been with you and didn't understand why I was. You were funny and good to hang around with at times, but sometimes you would say some pretty stupid things. And that is why I am not surprised you broke up with me over facebook. I hated you for a while and I had the support of many people who made sure to give you evil looks if they saw you. But now I no longer hate you. How can I, because what it boils down to is that there's not much going on in that little head of yours. If anything I learned that while it's ultimately my decision, weighing the opinions of friends can be a good indicator of whether or not someone is right for you (of course it's not foolproof though).

    J: We were never officially together. But you are the first guy I can say that I love. In the amount of time that I have known you I have enjoyed every moment we spent together. You are the only person I have met that matches my type the most, but more importantly, I have never met anyone that excited me so much. When I like someone, it's a big deal because for me something either clicks or it doesn't. And we definitely click. It's undeniable. You thought it was best that we not be official because I'm in the main circle of our mutual friends and things could end bad. I respected that. I loved the fact that we were so close, you really were one of my best friends. Funny thing is a lot of my friends including some mutual think that we would be so great together. We have had ups and downs, and we always talked it out if there was a problem. However, you aren't perfect, sometimes you do things that don't make any sense. Recently you stopped talking to me and I have an idea of why that is. All I know is we are too close to let this friendship fall to pieces. We need to talk and resolve this.

  19. M: when i dated you in high school i just thought you were metal guitarist with a sick sense of humor. 10 yrs later thanks to myspace and facebook i see that you are a sick f+ck, ubertalented but touched. When you contact me on these sites i dont answer for weeks because i am kind of scared but then i eventually do so i dont look like a snob but really i would appreciate it if you stopped contacting me. your social networking pages with pictures of guts/clowns/scary faces/confederate flags creep me out!

    R: because of you i have major trust issues, I was not your only gf even though you were basically living with me (hated you for 2 solid yrs. am actually over it). we had fun together but on the whole i don't think you ever wanted to spend time with me. i was too nerdy. i think you liked me because i provided some security for you. and i was only a 21 y.o. woman with a good degree and a crappy fashion job! still cant quite figure it out. maybe because we never truly communicated. you still contact me with the same ol story. hope you have a chance to grow and let people really get to know you because i had a feeling you were a gem.

    D: met you with before R so I didn't have too much trouble trusting you even long distance. I loved everything about you and adored your family. only prob was that we lacked the steaminess. sometimes we would get drunk and we would do hot things in a playful way. but overall you werent the man that made me feel like a natural woman so to speak.

    S: could be timing but this relationship is the one i am maturing in. im a better communicator, more confident and finally defining my personality. all because you kept telling me I was so sweet and nice. it made me want to prove you wrong. we have nothing in common and everything at the same time. am just open for whatever comes next because im already happy. you smile big and joke and make me very happy everyday.

    Love your blog!!! Thank you

  20. Hello New Money, it's Mr. H! - I guess the best way for me to respond is here where I can remain anonymous. Funny, but I didn't remember "the rib shack at 10pm on a school night". I do however remember the next morning you demanding I take you somewhere [the rib shack I] at like 8am, and I didn't believe [the rib shack] would even be open at that time. Therefor, I was under the impression you were with all intent trying to push my buttons. I now also recall us fighting the night before about the exact same thing [the rib shack, which I should mention over the years in my head became Juniors Cheesecake Factory...Whatever]. By morning we also had no car, (it was being driven to work by its rightful owner) so you wanted me to 35 minutes each the cold. I also remember you storming out and me thinking to myself, 'FUCK IT!! If she wants to leave, she can leave". I really meant it. I no longer had the energy to keep up with all your "you-ness", and at that moment, I knew in my heart we would never work.

    Truthfully, by that time I was soo done. This was our second attempt at a relationship, and I had already learned from the first attempt that we were very incompatible. I still have a hard time explaining why we broke up. On both occasions we just stopped speaking altogether. No yelling, no name calling or pointing fingers. I guess there just wasn't much to discuss. No one was going to change, and we were both within our rights not to. I knew you wanted to go out and see the world. I was a mature enough dude to understand that. When I (finally) didn't run after you, I was (finally) letting you go. Honestly I was hurt, but I wasn't mad. VERY much annoyed and irritated but, not mad.

    I'm not surprised to see today that your traveling the world, meeting tons of new people and just being who I fully imagined you'd be. As cocky as I might have been, I secretly took pride in believing you'd have a hard time finding another me.*smiling VERY hard* I must also add I didn't think you wanted to be anywhere near another me at that time...(bitter sweet) Every time I heard about you and some punk you were dating, I'd always imagine he was some wimp who did everything you told him to do. And when I finally met Mr. A, it TOTALLY made my day. I didn't know about the all the crying, but it

    Eventually we came to except what we were, friends. That's where it started and that's where it ended. Over the years I always wished you well...wherever you were. I saw you in a few magazines and stuff, and that made me proud. Glad we ran into each other, you were always a great friend. Oh yea...Thanks for the compliment about my family and all. You might be glad to know that my wife storms out on me ALL the time over the same types of crazy shit. *shrug* What can I say? I guess that's all for now. Peace!

  21. S – Hmmm, I know that you know you thought I was the shit. What happened? Did the novelty of actually being with me not match real life? We were young, but you didn’t even try. Somehow, I ended up caring less. In fact, I just realised that up until 10 minutes ago, you featured more like a bonus costume then a cemented entry in my timeline. Bumped into the updated you on neutral grounds a year later but it weren’t enough to spark an interest.

    E – Oh my how I loved you. Never known someone for such a short space of time and known a love so sweet. Was it the allure of breaking the law and trying not to get caught (by yo’ moms), or maybe it was the instant connection we shared even before we met. Whatever it was, you were my everything and it’s clear to me now that we must have been in the same place emotionally at the same time.

    When your mom split us up, I should have fought harder for you. When I gave up on us I turned into a prick. I dunno how it happened but I regretted it ever since. I started looking for you in every new girl I met. I knew fate would make our paths cross again, and it did, but in the wrong circumstances. Your happiness means more to me than you could ever know. I’m glad you’re happy.

    C – You bitch. You crushed the next two years of my life and I didn’t even know it. You zapped me of my confidence and had the nerve to realise that I was a good dude after I left you. Verbal abuse? Who the hell do you think you are? I wonder where your self-esteem was when I left you calling my phone, wishing you could entertain me. F@#! you, what a waste of my time.

    O – Hun, I think we both know that we took things too fast. We both had an abundance of caring to share, but we just weren’t that fitted that the other was looking for. I don’t regret our get-together; I needed it because I otherwise had no gauge on what it was I really wanted. It may sound selfish but I hope you could say the same.

    J – Oh my, I could spend an hour talking about you, no it wasn’t a compliment. After your soul searching escapade I stood around, waiting for you like a dummy, whilst you chased other people’s dreams. That’s cool, you only left me to get snapped up by someone more my equal. 10 times the person you aspire to be.

    I didn’t want to end the communication because I let you convince me that I didn’t have to. Bullshit. You thought that you were “the one” and that I would be meet you halfway if you kept trying to crawl back towards me. I never looked back, I just pitied your sorry state before and after so much and I had the tolerance of a special ed teacher, until I realised that you were trying to manipulate me. Ha. Even through all your motives, I know no-one treated you as good as me and it still hurts you now!

    How foolish was I, to have ignored the many people that told me you were bad blood; how foolish was I to ignore my own instinct for fear of failure. Maybe I should thank you. In fact, you definitely did me a favour; you saved me some time, and timing is everything but three years too late after soooooo many sacrifices and the manor in which you did so makes me despise you for ever. In a twist to the conclusion, I think about you often, but your character makes you seem so ugly and evil, I wonder whether I would give you the time of day or if I would still be haunted by the severe trauma you caused me if we ever bumped into each other. Hopefully my venting here leaves the truth irrelevant. You are poison, even worse if you fall into the wrong hands. P.S. Waiting for me to leave the room so that you can write a note about how you’re feeling and staying around long enough so that you can watch me read it and poking me until I finish reading the whole thing before I begin to criticise you?? #donttakethepiss

  22. Name on the last comment should have been "A 'n' J" lol

  23. D- You thought you impressed me with you son of an ex african dicator status and the fact that all you wore was Polo shirts and Levis Jeans that your rich mummy bought in bulk...but really I just felt for the way you ran after me on the street while your foot was in a casket just to ask my name...It was so brave and romantic you became the embodiement of that. I supported your terrible 1 min sex (litteraly )and even your fatansies of playing profesional soccer some day. I never told you that your weak and skinny legs would never allow you to join Manchester United.
    But the day I finally dicovered that you were cheating with that bougie brace face white girl named Virginia... I callled it a day.
    You begged me for days calling me your real African princess and I came back but that moment of reunion when we kissed and I forgave and was ready to take off my skirt, I thought about the one minute sex again... I left you there and slammed the door of the brand new apartment you were trying to impress me with.
    I m glad I did because when I met you 2 years later on the subway with a little wrinkled baby, I just knew that that could ve been my fate: to become your baby mama... I thank god.

    A- I fell head over heels for you. Opposite attracts. You were white I am black we were thinking about the georgous babies we will make.
    You were so ...demanded I hated you for making me feel so jealous. Flirting was a way of life for you, this is how you made money. You were a party promoter and I was your woman, your fan, your assistant, your PR... 5 years with you were the worst years of my existence.
    Jealousy,low self esteem and racism... At first it was cool to always be VIP in the hotest clubs and partys in the city.
    We drank too much and we looked cool among other cool people.
    Until I sobered up and woke up to realize that every single girl in town was laughing at me.
    I left you 10 times and I m not sure what made the last one the good one.. oh let me think... right.. I moved to another country...SMH

  24. Jon—you were the best first boyfriend a 15 year old girl could ask for and i still think about you…especially when i put on your abercrombie&fitch shirt or wear my favorite perfume (i had to wait almost 6 years for someone to buy me another bottle of it). i thank you so much for our experience, and id only change how it ended. last time we spoke, you and i were happy in our respective relationships and the only thing id want from you now, well…would be for you to see how ive grown up.

    Tim—i cant say i regret what we had. i will say that i have a lot of funny stories, that ive told a million times. they say you never forget your first, and thats true but at 17, i really didnt know what love was, or what i wanted out of it. i can say that i know a little bit more now, and if i had the chance id pass on you. idk if i could ever be with a man i bitch slapped and sodomized (even tho you asked for it).

    Jamiyl—i guess i could call you an “unrequited” because we never had the chance to see where we could go. i see youre happy now, and thats always good. but something always bothered me about our parting. so i guess id ask you why behind closed doors or miles away from columbia, it was fine for you to be with the “big girl” but as soon as your friends see you with me you act like im a charity case. was your self esteem so low that you couldnt be yourself around people you know? in any case, i had fun while it lasted.

    Chris—mr.tallhotchocolate-beatmaking-ludacrisvoicehaving-softlipskissing-and a whole bunch of other xrated things…like wow, when you came up behind me and hugged me at Rock the Bells 2008 i wish i had kept in touch better. but i cant blame that on my tracfone and my car breaking down because you made the trip back in ‘07 before i started driving. our chemistry was off the chain and i cant forget that. you introduced me to Little Brother, made me appreciate good samples, and taught me to roll the most perfect joint ive ever seen.

    Devin—i still talk to you on occasion, so you might actually read this, and if you do..well its not like you’ve never heard me say this before. our connection was something out of this world. like you were the last piece of my puzzle and vice versa. but ive heard that not all soulmates can be together. maybe in the next lifetime, or if you ever get the courage to get it together, id be lying if i said i didnt have a small part of my heart that belongs to you. thats just how much you affected me.

    Anwar—i still talk to you too…and if you read this, its something ive always wanted to say, but never did, i guess i didnt want to hurt your feelings. i think you were an awesome friend, lover, boyfriend, and over all person, but i also think that you dont think about your future. and that scared where were we going? you talked about living together, marriage and kids…but i never felt stable enough for that. not that i didnt love hanging out with your mom, but having to muffle sex sounds because she was in the next room wasnt cool. oh yeah…i want my blanket back too!

  25. good idea and funny as i was just thinking about doing this today while at the bus stop. should i send that shit out too? haha

  26. LMFAO..this was hilarious... glad I only had that one bf when I was 12... and learned my lesson ha ha

  27. T-YOU BITCH!
    A-YOU BITCH! oh, an SLUT!

    That was fun. :)

  28. Before I step up to the plate I must say as a first-time visitor from the few posts that I've read this is a most interesting blog, congrats. And now for all the women I've truly loved . . .

    M - We met at a funky sweaty TSU/Fisk gym party. I was busy trying to be in my mack mode but I knew I had to come better than that for a girl like you. You were a for real preachers daughter but had a little wild streak in you and you were the first woman I ever truly loved deeply, the first I could actually pictured being married to. You changed my way of thinking and helped me grow as a person. We went through a lot, even though the way we broke up was f'ed up I can still appreciate you for that. Looking back on it I was never sure why I couldn't do it for you but I glad you found happiness elsewhere, maybe we'll chat about it on FB sometime;)

    L - Man talk about the love of my life, girl you were it. You were everything I wanted in a mate. Similar views on everything from religion and politics to wanting to get just as blowed as I did sometimes:). We were best friends, lovers, all that. I get that it ended because of me, I guess I didn't realize what was really important to you. But looking back on it now, I think subconsciously I did know and that's why I lied about the money. I was always so worried about making you happy I think it made me think I had to lie to you sometimes to do that. And I think that in a way you might have felt that way too. I think ultimately our relationship may have been destined to fail, but I've always felt like you were a blessing I missed out on. I've messed up a couple of potential good relationships based solely on the fact that I was secretly hoping we would someday be together again. Man, literally so many years it took me to get over losing you. Now after seeing you last year for the first time since that last sunny May day I can finally say I've let go. I wish you and your family nothing but the utmost happiness.

    I - we are the soulmates who know each other from another life. One of my biggest regrets in leaving my college town was leaving you behind. Our love was raw, intense,and full of confrontation but it was real. And the way we manifested it physically was incredible, hands down the best I ever had;). But I guess it was just the wrong time in our lives. I was blinded by the confrontation (and the secret still-longing for M)and missed out on my blessing again. You have never been afraid to speak on your love, I hope no baggage from our relationship has ever made you turn from that. You are a beautiful, strong, fierce woman and I'm more than proud to still be your friend.

  29. hah this is a cool post! takes me back down memory lane.

    N-you were one of my best friends back in high school...first girl I REALLY wanted. Unfortunately your issues at home became too much for me constantly have to deal with. Things didn't end well and I'm sorry for that BUT im glad to see that we don't hate each other anymore haha. Also glad you've got a badass husband too...congrats!

    M-you were the biggest waste of time on earth...and you definitely creeped me out...especially when 2 weeks into things you interrupted me to say "i love you" maybe you did but that was still creepy. you showing up at my job all the time was scary too. I'm glad it didn't work out

    K-You were an interesting but fun one. Neither of us took it seriously and I'm glad we didn't. We are definitely better as friends though and im glad we were able to transition back to that without any issues.

    K-You're definitely the one that got away...I'll never forget you. It's unfortunate I was living 1000 miles away while we were together...long distance sucks! We definitely had some great times though and I'm glad you put up with me as well as you did. Unfortunately the strain of long distance and knowing I wouldnt be moving back for another 2 years killed us. The breakup had us believing we could be friends but that simply wasnt the case and i definitely shouldnt have acted like an *sshole the last time i saw you...sorry for that. Thanks for are definitely the most selfless person i've ever met...not only did you care about things that were bigger than yourself but you actually did something about them. You're going to go far...probably farther than you ever would if you had stayed with me. You were the best!

    C-you can go jump off a cliff